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Love and Belonging

Author: Tine Vindeløv
Photo: Albert Rösch

There is a certain kind of suffering - I believe we can best heal in contact with another loving human.

 

It is the suffering of lack of isolation and loneliness.

 

- as this suffering is created in the painful interplay with important others - and therfor also is healed in contact wit a loving other

 

I am talking about a certain part of our loneliness that inside it contains the raw pain of isolation. This suffering can in my own experience not be healed alone - be it through meditation or loving self containment.

 

It can only be healed through establishing a loving, safe contact with another human being.

It can only be healed by restoring my access to safe belonging with others,

 

It is healed by surrendering to my own humanity and that we all need each other to feel safe and to thrive in life. To return to the interconnectedness with others from the realm of isolation and separation.

I think it started with me realizing my own personalities core longing - that everything my personality is orienting itself towards seems to be safe belonging.

 

Out of fear of losing belonging we stick to a more or less narrow box of rules and patterns inside of us. A set of believes and agreements we made that shall "guarantee" us a safe belonging.

The personality is like the inner GPS system for successful belonging.

All the ideals we have decided are important for us is about how we can belong and secure being loved in the safest way possible.

Belong in the family belong in society belong on earth so we survive

When I really understood what my suffering was about - when I understood that my suffering was an inner contraction that did not allow myself to reach out for contact as I was in doubt of my own worthiness - I could feel that this contraction inside me, this holding back was also producing my direct felt sense of isolation. It was actually a tangible wall between me and others and this bodily contraction held me back from surrendering to my need for experiencing safe and loving exchange of belonging.

Belonging for me is many things but it is foremost a sense in my body that has to do with the impulse coming from my heart to reach out - to touch, to ask for help with my arms. It is a mix of loving and letting myself be loved at the same time.

In a way you can say that this is like surrendering to love - to be love and to be loved simultaneously. Surrendering to the vulnerability in letting others be important to us.

The surrendering is also about letting go of pride of thinking I am enough alone, I am what I long for alone. It is letting myself find the right place in the world and to surrender to my interdependence with others and the world. In this surrender I feel, lies the greatest freedom and potential for happiness and love. It connects me to the beauty of that we deeply need each other to thrive. That we need friends and intimate partners to love, to develop and to live life with.

I feel a big potential for a life lived in beauty and love after I started to recognize this need inside myself as a core importance for me. I started to tear down my inner boundaries made up of a mix of beliefs about my own unworthiness and the contractions in my body that is a result of those ideas.

When I realized that my stories - both my success stories and the loser stories about myself - all were about if I succeeded in belonging or not, I connected deeper to my own humanity. It felt like starting to look at myself from the depths of my heart, to look at myself from softness and from a new inner intelligence. That way of looking dissolved and healed my isolation and at the same time opened me up to a fresh sense of inherent inner value and natural loving belonging to my self too .

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